Thursday, November 11, 2004

Irony

This not only sucks, it's whiney, but it reflects much of 2004 for me, so I'm including it in the archive. It needs punctuating/editing, but perhaps another day...

He said I changed
And I had not
What in his eyes had altered?
Was his perception
Suddenly skewed by fear?
Or had he not known me before?
He’s known me forever
I never put on airs
I thought it was me he loved
Then he asked me to become
Less than I am
And more than I could be:
Perfection in act, health, memory
But less in the mind,
Less contemplation - more bubbles
If I could become
Whatever woman you wanted
I would without hesitation
But then you still wouldn’t love me,
Just your own invention
Which I’d kill myself to live up to
I can’t be someone else.
I had to leave – I couldn’t watch
You suffer to tolerate me.
The irony sets in,
For now I have changed…
Weaker, darker…
I bounced back grinning
From abuse and desertion
And survived death and loss
But only you, the loss of you,
Could leave me bitter,
Hopeless, and without love of life
You are all that matters to me.
My life from here on
Is just a meaningless farce
And I’m still forced to live it.

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