Dream
I had a very strange dream last night.
I'm sitting on the couch at this guys house. These guys I know are shouting at the tv (x-box, I guess) and one of them comes in and gives me a fudge-pop. I burst into tears, not sure if I'm crying because of releif, anger, sadness or what (this would not happen in real life - people aren't allowed to see me cry).
Anyway, so as I'm stuck in this moment, the dream flips and, instead of him giving me a fudge pop, it's me giving David C. a coke. -this really happened. And so the rest of the dream just played out an actual memory, from my meeting David C until I last saw his likeness.
the memory:
I met him when Amy dated him. Huge, tall, threatening-looking hood, this guy was. Everyone either loved him or was afraid of him. (I never much respected popularity or intimidation). Eventually, he broke up with Amy and she cried and cried. She was really crazy about him. I hated him for this. Who did he think he was, anyway? Mr big-shot, humph!
Well, he was friends with everyone else we hung out with. Amy, being part of the group, treated him as friend too. He may have even dated April after that (the only other chick in the group), but I don't recall for sure. But, I was always butting heads with this guy. I would be intimidated by no-one, least of all some ego-strutting hood. (well, all my friends were hoods, but that's irrelevent). I gave him hell. One time I smarted off to him and he said something sharp-tongued back to me, so I poured his milk all over his lunch. I wasn't going to bow to any bully.
Well, eventually it just dawned on me - I was the bully. I'd never been a bully to anyone before, but I was totally unfair to him. Whatever he did to make Amy cry, no matter how much she hurt, he did innocently and without mal-intent. My treatment of him, however, was hateful. He should have kicked my tail. He was intimidating, but never intentionally. He was a nice guy and Amy knew it, she had become good friends with him.
The next day (last day of school that year) I had a spare coke and I walked up to the group at the lockers.
"I got an extra coke, anybody want it?"
Everyone held up the drinks they already had, except David, who had none, said nothing, and did look at the coke.
"You want it?" I said to David
"Uh.. sure" He said, looking totally perplexed.
I walked away swearing I would never again in my life treat someone like that. I never had before him, and I'd never repeat that mistake. I was not a snob and I wasn't going to act like one. I swore to myself that next year I'd tell him how sorry I was. Next year, I'd be nice and make it up to him and tell him what a jerk I was. Next year, I'd talk to him about it and be a friend to him.
Two days later he died when his car wrapped around a tree.
To support my friends, I went to the visitation. They all cried because he was a good guy they all loved. I cried because he had been gentle and patient with me while I'd been so hateful. I cried because I never told him I was sorry, and because I had no right to be there at his funeral, staring into a photograph of him (closed casket) with all those loving, crying people.
Human beings are worth so much. No person should be treated like I treated David. Amy's broken heart was just what happens in life, one of the simple facts of life. I made David the scapegoat for the facts of life. He may not have done everything perfectly, but he was a gentle person and he tried.
That was about 14 years ago, I think. Hard to beleive it's been that long. Amy's married with kids, now, although I haven't seen her in probably 10 years at least.
---Why is it that so many of my life-lessons stories end with someone dead? Have I told you guys the Kevin story? That one's really sad. I don't think I should post two sad-death stories in one day.
I've learned a lot in the past 30 years. I just with no one had to have passed away for me to catch on to some things. I'll tell a snippet of the Kevin story: He was a realy interesting guy I wanted to befriend becuase he seemed really cool, but I was afraid he'd think I was flirting so I never said more than "hi". We lived in a backwards town with little room for creative people. After he shot himself, I regretted never having reached out to him, but regret doesn't bring anyone back. I try to be more friendly, now, but I have an annoying tendency to dole out status reports and point out, to platonic freinds, that it's just platonic. Better than misunderstanding, I figure.
I'm sitting on the couch at this guys house. These guys I know are shouting at the tv (x-box, I guess) and one of them comes in and gives me a fudge-pop. I burst into tears, not sure if I'm crying because of releif, anger, sadness or what (this would not happen in real life - people aren't allowed to see me cry).
Anyway, so as I'm stuck in this moment, the dream flips and, instead of him giving me a fudge pop, it's me giving David C. a coke. -this really happened. And so the rest of the dream just played out an actual memory, from my meeting David C until I last saw his likeness.
the memory:
I met him when Amy dated him. Huge, tall, threatening-looking hood, this guy was. Everyone either loved him or was afraid of him. (I never much respected popularity or intimidation). Eventually, he broke up with Amy and she cried and cried. She was really crazy about him. I hated him for this. Who did he think he was, anyway? Mr big-shot, humph!
Well, he was friends with everyone else we hung out with. Amy, being part of the group, treated him as friend too. He may have even dated April after that (the only other chick in the group), but I don't recall for sure. But, I was always butting heads with this guy. I would be intimidated by no-one, least of all some ego-strutting hood. (well, all my friends were hoods, but that's irrelevent). I gave him hell. One time I smarted off to him and he said something sharp-tongued back to me, so I poured his milk all over his lunch. I wasn't going to bow to any bully.
Well, eventually it just dawned on me - I was the bully. I'd never been a bully to anyone before, but I was totally unfair to him. Whatever he did to make Amy cry, no matter how much she hurt, he did innocently and without mal-intent. My treatment of him, however, was hateful. He should have kicked my tail. He was intimidating, but never intentionally. He was a nice guy and Amy knew it, she had become good friends with him.
The next day (last day of school that year) I had a spare coke and I walked up to the group at the lockers.
"I got an extra coke, anybody want it?"
Everyone held up the drinks they already had, except David, who had none, said nothing, and did look at the coke.
"You want it?" I said to David
"Uh.. sure" He said, looking totally perplexed.
I walked away swearing I would never again in my life treat someone like that. I never had before him, and I'd never repeat that mistake. I was not a snob and I wasn't going to act like one. I swore to myself that next year I'd tell him how sorry I was. Next year, I'd be nice and make it up to him and tell him what a jerk I was. Next year, I'd talk to him about it and be a friend to him.
Two days later he died when his car wrapped around a tree.
To support my friends, I went to the visitation. They all cried because he was a good guy they all loved. I cried because he had been gentle and patient with me while I'd been so hateful. I cried because I never told him I was sorry, and because I had no right to be there at his funeral, staring into a photograph of him (closed casket) with all those loving, crying people.
Human beings are worth so much. No person should be treated like I treated David. Amy's broken heart was just what happens in life, one of the simple facts of life. I made David the scapegoat for the facts of life. He may not have done everything perfectly, but he was a gentle person and he tried.
That was about 14 years ago, I think. Hard to beleive it's been that long. Amy's married with kids, now, although I haven't seen her in probably 10 years at least.
---Why is it that so many of my life-lessons stories end with someone dead? Have I told you guys the Kevin story? That one's really sad. I don't think I should post two sad-death stories in one day.
I've learned a lot in the past 30 years. I just with no one had to have passed away for me to catch on to some things. I'll tell a snippet of the Kevin story: He was a realy interesting guy I wanted to befriend becuase he seemed really cool, but I was afraid he'd think I was flirting so I never said more than "hi". We lived in a backwards town with little room for creative people. After he shot himself, I regretted never having reached out to him, but regret doesn't bring anyone back. I try to be more friendly, now, but I have an annoying tendency to dole out status reports and point out, to platonic freinds, that it's just platonic. Better than misunderstanding, I figure.
posted by TwistedNoggin at 9:02 AM
2 Comments:
No you shouldn't! *sniff*
That is pretty sad. I'd say something more intelligent but I can't.
I do know how you feel though. I've been trying to tell people things as they occur to me for reasons similar, but its not always easy to do.
.....sad. So, sad and I almost shed a dew of tear from my eye...
I used be a bully and also was bullied, when I was in upper-grades of elementary ~ junior-high.
I never ever have lost my important friends, but I also treated someone like a dump or garbage, to protect myself from a nasty criticism + harsh bully from other hopeless idiots - dirty punks and spiteful bitches all the time. OH, I have a lot to confess just like you, I suppose...
Yeah, everyone has certainly something - both good and bad, happy and sad. But still I believe they gave us something - something to learn from those unbearable experiences, I swear. In fact, I got far better than I used to be - honestly to say. If you hear or talk more for my dark past, I'll show them with no gimmicks or fakes - yeah, I have a lot of problems and actually a troublemaker. Though I feel much better now lately, though... :)
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