Remembering Belgium
Years ago
young, dreaming
I wrote poetry for
a handsome man.
I was fascinated.
He was witty, charismatic,
talented, sweet, silly…
I described
his brown eyes
with my best naive prose.
That was years before
my strength fell and,
without sense, I tumbled
into a night long awaited
and finally whispered
the “L” word to him,
whispered, chanted,
shouted the word
and his name.
In the morning I said it
once more.
He looked at me and said
“it isn’t like that with us”
and I cried as I left.
So now, when I look back
On the men I’ve “loved” before,
I see him as one of the few I trust.
Oh, he’s a scoundrel, no doubt.
I know it.
But a scoundrel who gave me
what few men ever did.
Honesty.
For that I see him as a friend,
though we rarely speak.
And when he hands me my Guinness
With a heart on top
I think,“what a sweet little scoundrel”.
young, dreaming
I wrote poetry for
a handsome man.
I was fascinated.
He was witty, charismatic,
talented, sweet, silly…
I described
his brown eyes
with my best naive prose.
That was years before
my strength fell and,
without sense, I tumbled
into a night long awaited
and finally whispered
the “L” word to him,
whispered, chanted,
shouted the word
and his name.
In the morning I said it
once more.
He looked at me and said
“it isn’t like that with us”
and I cried as I left.
So now, when I look back
On the men I’ve “loved” before,
I see him as one of the few I trust.
Oh, he’s a scoundrel, no doubt.
I know it.
But a scoundrel who gave me
what few men ever did.
Honesty.
For that I see him as a friend,
though we rarely speak.
And when he hands me my Guinness
With a heart on top
I think,“what a sweet little scoundrel”.
posted by TwistedNoggin at 12:57 PM
4 Comments:
Is it me? I am a sweet little scoundrel? I sure would love to be one. . . .
I have never been so forgiving, even for honesty. I guess that's a trait you'll just have to teach me. When men hurt me, I withdraw completely.
There are few scoundrels in my life who have lived to pass the Guinness.
honesty is just so hard to find. I wouldn't go saying the L word to this man again, but I still care about him. He is not an up-front kinda guy, from what I've seen, but he managed to be truthful with me then, and it's a good thing. My heart has been yanked around more than enough for one life time, both before and after this took place.
And, like I've said... I'm not trusting at all, but I'm very forgiving, depending on the circumstances.
Sometimes I have a harder time forgiving my ex-husband, whom is not even a scoundrel, but that's because he swore he did love me and that he always would. He's the only person in my life I have ever trusted to love me for me. My parents loved me because you always love your kids, whether you understand them or not. Chris was the only person I ever trusted to always value the real me, and he betrayed that. He did something worse than leaving, he asked me to become someone else entirely. He called my best attributes faults. I've never felt so betrayed. Chris is a good guy, so I can't be angry at him, I hope he finds the girl he wants, but that's the worst my heart was ever broken.
The scoundrel, 'belgium' we'll call him, didn't say he loved me before that night. I just thought he cared, so that mistake was my fault.
My first husband was beyond scoundrel - he was satan. He flat out told me (after we got married)that he only married me to sleep with me.
Sometimes a part of me starts to beleive I deserve certain things now, but a) no one can love you just because you deserve it and b) maybe I don't deserve it, maybe that's why everything always goes wrong.
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