All in the Attitude
I'm an odd brand of pessimist. I expect life to slap me around regularly, and it does.
And yet, you'll still find me laughing and making fun of life for hitting like a girl.
"Come on, ya sissy. That all you got?"
A friend once said that if Death came after me I'd kick him in the balls.
Not true! I'd buy him a beer and by nightfall I'd be posting pics of him online wearing a Leah wig and dancing to Parliament.
"Give up the funk, Reap. Shake that boney booty!"
By morning he would have started his own blog.
What would death's blog be like? If I had the time, I'd make a fake blog written from his point of view. That'd be a blast.
And yet, you'll still find me laughing and making fun of life for hitting like a girl.
"Come on, ya sissy. That all you got?"
A friend once said that if Death came after me I'd kick him in the balls.
Not true! I'd buy him a beer and by nightfall I'd be posting pics of him online wearing a Leah wig and dancing to Parliament.
"Give up the funk, Reap. Shake that boney booty!"
By morning he would have started his own blog.
What would death's blog be like? If I had the time, I'd make a fake blog written from his point of view. That'd be a blast.
posted by TwistedNoggin at 12:59 PM
7 Comments:
Bummed reaper: I don't feel like taking any lives today, so there are several thousand people getting a lucky break. I could use a drink.
Happy reaper: Look out, today its everybody's time! Now where'd I leave that scythe....
I used to keep really busy during the wars and pilaging, but those darned valcaries (sp?) are taking over again. I filed a complaint with the union, but haven't heard back yet.
But, slow work isn't too bad. At least I haven't had to pick up any rock-stars in a while. Theyr'e always so frickin messy about it. Gotta make a big show of everything, I suppose.
I'd read it!
I just can't take it anymore. Some old man tried to kick me in the balls again. You'd think they'd learn that skeletons don't have those. He got a big shoe-print on my cloak and I just had it cleaned. He was 95. He got more than most. I could have taken him in at 62 when he went joyriding down Main in his grandson's convertible after downing a fifth of Jim Beam, but NO... I approved his extension and this is the thanks I get. It's a good thing skeleton's don't bruise. I'm getting too old for this crap.
Yeah, I'd definately read that too.
A terminally depressed death that goes on about being 'unappreciated' - that would be hilarious.
Actually I think Piers Anthony wrote a book about the 'Life of Death'. 'On a Pale Horse' I think it was called, but I read it in HS - which was a million years ago.
My therapist said maybe I could regain enthusiasm for my job if I went for a new look or image or something. At first I thought she was crazy, but as I was shopping online for fabrics I started to get into the idea. I picked out some stuff that will put James Brown's capes to shame. I also found some fake leapord fur for the lining and it is so soft. I might even get some funky elevator boots or something to go with it. Then again, added heigth might just make me more intimidating. I think I want to go less scary, more sexy.
The new cloak didn't go over so well. Maybe changing my image wasn't such a good idea. I mostly got laughed at. Some idiot sprayed me with red paint thinking the fur was real. I almost took him in, but he has several years to go. Besides, his destined death is a slow and rough one, so I have motive to be patient.
I've been petitioning to be allowed a Mrs. Death. Normally, my position is a solitary one and my quarters are off limits to anyone but me. Still, I'm working on an adendum to my contract that would allow me a partner of sorts. They're talking about requiring she be willing, though. Where am I supposed to find a hot babe to spend her life with a skeleton? Maybe I can just trick one into eating pomegranite. Worked for Hades, kinda.
Lonely in Sheol,
Death
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