More whine than poem... I may delete it later today

The soothing blank,
the gentle abyss,
swallowing thought
and burying me deep
in cool earth.
If only life would allow
such easy drift
into silent sanctuaries,
I would never
part my lips for speech.
I would open my eyes
only to read,
never shutting them to cry.
I struggle to work,
to behave rationally,
while my heart draws back
deeper into hiding.
Please let me
forget to feel.
Let me go still
and think no more.
Let me float unfettered
into a catatonic haze
and cut all ties
with this bitter bitch, Reality.
______________
But then, I have to keep moving.
Gotta keep my job and pay the bills,
Lest my family be forced
To pick up the tab for a vegetable that
They had no interest in even while human.