When the kids are here, sometimes I just want to slip off for a moment, have a cigarette and a beer, and read a book. I'm not use to the constant energy and "why this, kiki?", "Why that, Kiki?", "I'm allergic to healthy, Kiki... broccoli makes my leg hurt", etc...

But, the moment they are in their Daddy's car, I don't want to let them drive away. I should have taken them to the park this morning instead of us vegging out in front of a movie. I should have found some way to sneak more veggies into Stazi. I had a feeling the whole time that Tori needed to talk, but we never got a chance to talk privately. Never enough time. I want them to stay. They are always hungry and always making messes and always underfoot, but they belong there.

How does my sister do it? It must be so hard for her. Plus, I imagine that some people look at her as irresponsible for leaving the kids with their Dad. I was so proud of her for that decision. The foolish perceptions of people must make it even harder. Instead of toting them around apartments and leaving them alone while she works and all that confusion, she let them stay in the same familiar house with the same friends and yard and all that. It had to have been so hard for her. My poor sister. I went through this, the divorce, the year of no escape from "crazy town", etc... etc... but I didn't deal with the children issue. That must be so hard. I shouldn't talk about this. She HATES to be discussed in any way shape or form. But, I feel for her. I love my sister. I love those babies like my own. Life is easier without children attached to your hip, but the vacancy of a home without them, once you get that attachment, is like a hollow howl in the back of your mind all the time. You can tune it out, sometimes, like white noise, but it is always there. And I'm not the one who carried them, nursed them, etc.. etc... although I often wish I was. It must be so hard for her.

Maybe that's how I avoid thinking of my own selfish need to keep them... it's always far easy to sympathize than to think of my own need.

I actually spanked Stazi today. I'm not much of a spanker. I'm the reasoning kind of gaurdian/parent/aunt. But, I felt like it would be selfish of me not to. I don't want her to go home with the memory of mean old kiki spanking her to make her eat being the last thing she remembers. But she needs to learn a little bit of "have to". She is so used to getting whatever she wants, apparently. And, after a few bites of food she had originally refused to eat (despite the fact that I know she likes beans and rice), we cuddled and I got her a chocolate milk. A little sugar wont kill a kid. I worry more about not enough nutrition and about the poisons in pre-prepared foods. I worry more about her facing disapointment, when she gets older, if she never learns about having to do things she doesn't want to. That's the main reason that I made her eat some beans and rice. (that and the fact that at least there is a little nutrition in it, more so than macaroni and cheese).

Anyway... over all the weekend was great. I think we all had fun, although Tori needs some alone-time with me, I think. I just don't want Stazi to feel left out while she is going through the parental-divorce thing. I need to see about getting some time off while Stazi is at Daycare and Tori is free.

I bought them some kimonos a while back. We finally had a chance for them to dress up in them. I think they got a kick out of it. Stazi wanted to sleep in hers.
Here's some pics. :)

And then one of the "spider ice cream". (a swirly ice cream that just happened to look rather spidery on top)

Ok... so photoblogger isn't working right now. Well... I'll insert them later, I guess. For now, just trust me. They look adorable in their kimono and obi and all that. :)