Friday, August 18, 2006

VeriSiMELLitude

Perfumes have become increasingly unnatural as the decades have fallen away. The scents and styled have veared so far into the realm of fad and fashion that many fail to elicit that emotional connection in our brains that the commercials suggest. Our olfactory response is, after all, a more primal sense. So, I propose the invention of common sense scents… fragrances that truly bring an image to mind by replicating reality.

For men, I propose these colognes:
Rugged: a blend of gun cleaner and cedarwood, with a hint of car grease.
Dangerous: Wisky and tobacco, laced with that tell-tale scent of women’s perfume.
Sensitive: rose oil, ice cream, and salt-water (tears). –this one is especially successful for the man who wants that special girl to “love him like a brother” and “just be friends”.

For women:
Arist: (pronounced ar-TEEST) Linseed oil and turpentine. (my scent)
Flirt: the scents of melting plastic (from her boyfriends’ over-swiped credit cards) and your best buddy’s cologne.
Librarian: Dusty old books and nympho-phermones.
Lolita: Baby powder and apples.
Hippie: Same as always, Pot, Patchouli and dirty hair.
Yuppie Career Girl: Organic fair-trade coffee beans, toner, and office carpet (especially the expensive type in the boss’ office).

2 Comments:

Blogger Ray said...

Men, if left to their own devices, will probably replicate the scents you 've suggested naturally -- even the rose one (though that obviously means he's gay). Generally, when it happens, women will request they bathe.

Argh...women! We just can't win.

7:52 PM  
Blogger Carl V. said...

I've heard it said that if a woman would just dab a bit of WD-40 behind each ear she would have men lining up for miles! ;)

11:58 AM  

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