stream-of-noggin-venting

This isn't a poem or anything yet... it's just a stream that came out, as yet unrefined.

This the mess that my mother once named “Kathleen”
As if words could contain all the hell that is me
-The raging world, churning behind these blue eyes

Yes I bitch and I moan, my heart sputters and groans
I reach out, then I always just run off alone
But I’m through with hating myself just for that

If you touch me, you’ll find that I’m warm and alive
Despite all the cold metal I’ve grown to survive
Like the wolf-man, I’m hardened but never stop bleeding

I’ve no pack of my own, here, to coddle and choke me
But I’ve got two eyes, and I know just what I don’t see
People never act noble for true noble reasons

I love strangers the same as I do my own kin
Because all orphans were somebody’s children
-Don’t have to be my friend for me to be yours

I rage hard and cry harder and sometimes I break
I claw myself to shreds over every mistake
But whatever that’s made me, at least I am human

I looked hard at myself, today, in the car mirror
And found myself closer than I did appear -or
At least, things I valued were not up so far

I’m a lost one, but somehow I never lose track
The world robs, but I’m not afraid to give back
Not afraid to befriend whoever needs mending

I am hardened and crazy and tired and I’m wild
But I’m never afraid to trust like a child
If my soul on a platter is just what you’re needing

I am me – sincere, crazy and never judgmental
And I’ll stay that way; strong and naked and fragile
Because this one self, here, is all that I’ve got

might not seem like much, when you’re counting my allies
I’d rather love everyone than to close ranks and close eyes
So when left all alone, I can trust the company I keep

---

Crack open my head
And you’d hear just a scream
Crack open my chest
Where wild animals breed
And just wonder
At all I contain yet keep on breathing

Crack open my heart
I might bleed blue and black
It’s the years that have tainted me
That can never turn back
And find, there, your mark
-staying human, means taking a beating