Sunday, November 19, 2006

Rest in Pieces

As a dark joke on the mourning, when a loved one dies you are expected to pick a phrase or poem to put on those little pamphlet-like things that people take home from funerals. You might choose a bible verse, an uplifting poem, an old Irish blessing, or whatever. Me, however? I want mine to say "Does this coffin make my butt look big?".
That's what I want mine to say, and I'm NOT kidding. So, take notes family. So far I have two requirements, now, for my post-death plans. A) I want Nina Simone and Billie Holiday played during the visitation. B) I want my little flyer-thingies to say "Does this coffin make my butt look big?".

A friend of mine had a good one. He said his should say "I knew this would happen."
THAT would be perfect for your dry-witted pessimistic loved ones. I think that's genius. That just kills me (no pun intended).

How about you guys? Got any funny ideas for those weird funeral-flyers?

PS: I also want cans tied to one end of my coffin, beneath writing that says "Just kicked!", and maybe a bumper-sticker that says "Valhalla or bust". Also, a tap coming out of my coffin that dispenses beer would rock.

Damn.... if my family really does follow my wishes when I kick, then I'm gonna miss one hell of a party. I seriously hope they do, though. The tap would cost too much, but I hope they do the rest of that. :)

Feel free to have Karaoke, too. And be sure to dress me in go-go boots.


Blogger hueblur said...

I guess you weren't a figment of my imagination after all.

7:43 PM  
Blogger The New Albanian said...

I'd rather be drinking Lite in New Albany.

11:01 AM  

Post a Comment

<< Home