No garden is without its rain.
Every arbor sees a storm.
But none weather dark days so well,
No other remains this strong and warm…

Branches lean sturdy overhead.
Green-clad fingers secure the sky.
Sweet professions spill in plum-colored petals
…This is my eden, you and I.

Why do we need so much to be wanted?

Why can't needs be deprogramed out of mind?
Especially the need to be needed.
It was not always so vital
was it?

Maybe it was...

When Tori was gone, I took care of mom. When mom died I had no one to take care of and I fell apart. But, this is a totally different kind of needing to be needed. A kind that didn't bug me when I was younger. I was too independent for that.

build up a fort of stone and reason
and man will beckon at the wall, pleading for shelter.
Just as you shred the walls down to the ground, to make room for a gate
he forgets he ever wanted in.
The site of gated walls just isn't as inviting.

They don't mean to.
They don't understand.
No feats of gallantry or noble kindnesses
compare to the gift
of wanting.

Being kind to me just makes you kind.
Needing me makes me
...not so invisable
...not easily replaceable
...belong

I'm just rambling. Journaling, I guess. I'm tired. I've been working too much. Maybe I'm hormonal. Who knows. Enough moody stuff.

I'll write more when I'm in a better mood. :)

Walked many a railway trellis;
cherished every one,
but the bridges spark and smoke
just to watch me run.
Never been afraid to start over,
take the world on with bare hands.
But just once I’d like to see
My future go by plan.
Reset, restart, back to square one-
I claw my way back every time.
But if the top holds nothing but the fall
There’s no reason left to climb.
Your grip falls slack,
You stop reaching out,
But I’m embarrassed to cry,
And ashamed to shout.
Make this peak I’ve scaled worthwhile-
Please mind your grip.
There’s no more climb left in me.
I fear the slip.

funky thoughts

If the floors are funky, they are disgusting need to be mopped.
If you are funky, you probably need a shower, sweat-hog.
But if you get funky, you have a good wild time.

If music is funky, it makes you feel like dancing
But if you’re in a funk, you’re in a bad mood.

If you just bought some funky shoes, they are really unique and cute.
But, if the milk has a funk to it, that means it stinks and has gone bad.

If you get down and funky to some groovin’ funk, in order to shake the funk you’ve been in, while wearing your funky shoes, they’ll likely have a serious funk by morning (peuw-weee)

Just wanted to share that thought. Back to work.

Grey skies - blehh!

It’s a typical dreary winter day, here. The sky looks as if a gigantic dust bunny took a dump on the sun. It’s the color of regurgitated cigarette ashes and smells only slightly better.
What I wouldn’t give for a special S.A.D. lamp, my home couch, and a stack of good graphic novels right now.
This might be a good day to take a swan dive off the no-coffee wagon.

Hey George! George? Oh, owner-of-my-favorite-comic-book-store… Please, strap some good books to the legs of a very strong pigeon (or African swallow) and send it my way!
(pout)
If only comic shops delivered.
But then, I doubt I’d get much work done that way.

So much to do… so little motivation…
(sigh)…..
Is it spring yet?

Gluten free sugar free celiac friendly fake oreo hydrox cookies HURRAY!

Celiacs, rejoice!

My quest has been fulfilled! I have found a copycat oreo recipe, which means I can make from it a celiac-friendly version!

Yes, my celiac friends... our day has come. And if any of you are like me and, on the occassion you find gluten free cookies of any kind, you still can't have them because you are allergic to sugar (or you may be diabetic or hypoglycemic?), then the frustration is over.
If you are allergic to eggs or milk, substitute as you see fit.

The Cookie:
½ cup butter
1 cup Splenda
1 egg
1 teaspoon vanilla
2 cups Red Mill Gluten Free baking flour blend
½ cup cocoa powder
1 ½ teaspoons baking soda
½ teaspoon baking powder
½ teaspoon salt
1 cup milk

Preheat oven to 375. Cream 1/2 cup butter and 1 cup Splenda til fluffy. Add 1 tsp vanilla. Beat in egg. Sift together dry ingredients. Add dry ingredients alternately with milk, beating well after each addition. Drop by well rounded tablespoon onto cookie sheet 2 inches apart.
Bake about 8 minutes. Cool or racks.

The Filling:
¾ cup butter
2 cups powdered/confectioners Splenda
½ cup marshmallow cream (sugar free sold on amazon.com)
1 ½ teaspoon vanilla

For filling, mix all ingredients together until smooth. Spead on flat side of cookie and top with another cookie.

I can't wait to try it out! I'll let you know how it goes. If it goes well, I could also crush some up and mix that with extra marshmallow creme into some sugar-free ice cream. Woopie!

Oh, by the way... I posted about this a long time ago, but a fellow Celiac sells bracelets online with some proceeds going to Celiac Awareness (click anywhere on this line). They're cute. Check 'em out.

For those of you who comb through my many boring, whining, poem-like vents to find the occassional poem that is actually worth reading... Sorry.
But, what can I say...
My heart is an open blog, and not every page of anyone's heart is pleasant or eloquent.

Every now and then I post a poem I'm proud of as a "poetic work". Most of the time, I'm just shouting my feelings into the air, pounding fists against some intangible beyond, to keep from holding it all in. It keeps me sane.

So... if you like, strap on your wading boots, sludge past the relationship problems, concern for my neice, pleas to loved ones and strangers alike, and good luck finding the occassional lily.
If you don't feel like that much effort, well... you all know about the links on the right. I'll add more in one of these days.

Rational Lies

A mind greater than mine,
a maze of tortuous reason,
with 141 degree corners at every turn.

This little white rat has lost her way
amid the corridors of your rationale.
My tail caught, so thoroughly spun,
into this web you’ve wrapped tight
like a cocoon around your own eyes.

A catticomb of honeycombs,
misdirection spilling over in tempting sweetness…
You tell me I was wrong
to think skies blue and water unfit for breathing.
I am convinced
until I choke again, drowning
on the waves of fluid fiction I inhaled in trust,
on the appealing rationalizations,
the endless jasmine-laced well of this love
that I have come to need like air.

Gemini Journey

Downhill trails may not strain us
(Without a sweat, you can fly free and run)
But no matter how far down you travel,
will never lead you to the sun.

Don’t commit your life to your whims.
Nor pummel yourself for your sins.
Still, whatever path you deem the best,
I’m with you till the end.

Whichever is your roadway to the sun,
I’ll climb with you as you go.
Just be strong and please choose wisely,
Many hearts your steps do tow.

Change rattles the foundation
Of every life, sometime.
Life will shake loose your footing
As it often has done mine.

Now, you too must learn to stand
on shifting ground, my dear.
It is tricky work, but you’ll catch on
As your will outweighs the fear.

I cannot still this agitated earth,
Nor harsh landings like this forestall.
But as long as I walk upon this globe,
I will catch you when you fall.

I have no right to stress, so.
no right to vent.
This is not even my problem,
My trial,
My torment.
No, far far worse…

If only I could make it mine.
I would dive into the mouth
Of hell itself
To see you safe from harm, my child.

If I knew what was best for your mother,
I’d shake her and steer her clear.
But I am no more omniscient than omnipotent.

I’m shackled, here, to the wall.
Helpless, powerless, useless
While my little life,
My precious girl
Is thrown into the fire.

This family I love is torn apart,
your lives forever changed
And what can I, the beloved aunt kiki,
Do to rescue you?
make lasagna,
rent Harry Potter movies
and watch you learn to save yourself.

Limericks for Stephen

There once was a boy with brown eyes
who was truly “all that with fries”
He called me bookworm
And with time I learned
He’s the best thing since oreo pie.

I fell for a boy who wore glasses
At him I always threw passes
But it took an eternity
For him to fall for me
Cause men are all such dumbasses. (sorry – it rhymed :P)

Stephen fell in love with a slob
Who’s heart he easily robbed
He cleaned up his act
While she just got fat
“but I promise to work out!”, she sobbed.

Stephen and Kathleen started late,
It was years before their first real date,
But fine things come slow.
So it just goes to show,
the best things come to those who wait.

There was a boy who would not eat borscht
Of all soups, he thought it the worscht
His woman did plead
But he would not concede
And he was too strong to be forscht.

Me as Kagero (though holding the katana wrong)

 

Me as Kagero (Ninja Scroll)

 

My sister as the Black Mamba (Kill Bill2)

 

Goth/Punk/Spongebob-fanatic Brandi

Sorry these pics are so blurry. My camera was on the wrong setting. :( 

Me as a pale Cleopatra

I didn't want to wear my Kagero costume to work (it being so short) so I threw this together.