Friday, April 29, 2005

Most of you who know me can probably already guess that there is a better chance of the Packers winning the gold in olympic figure-skating than of me getting married again. But, if I ever do, I am frickin getting these rings! The settings, now, not that stone. I would have an emerald-cut stone in it, which would contrast well with the fluid lines of the setting.

A friend of mine had me looking at rings with her a while back, and I found this web-site to show to her. I love those rings. Elegant, yet different. The Round stone doesn't do it justice, though. It needs an emerald-cut one.

No one else get me distracted with your shopping today! I am so behind at work, now. :P
This is the red room at my local pub, Richo's. That is Stephen picking up a bit. This pub has won "best beer list" many times and draws beer-lovers from other states with their imports and micro-brews. Still, most locals pay no attention to it (unless they're professors or beer snobs). their food is great. Posted by Hello

Thursday, April 28, 2005


When I think of having anyone over for a movie, I just wish I had something like this. When I think of crashing at home alone, I again wish for one of these. If I think of having anyone over for dinner, having parties, or even cleaning the house, I wish I had it so I could randomly mix music from several appropriate cd's. They are only about $50. I would spend that much on books without hardly thinking about it, but then I get several books for that much. Spending that much on one item, no matter what it is, stresses me. Everything I buy costs from $0.01 to $20.00. Clothing, Shoes, books, etc... Only my car cost more than that. I even bought a pair of eye-glass frames for $1.00. One of these days, I must splurge and get this. But, I just ordered a few used books, some cheap shoes off of ebay, and a pair of pants on clearance at Delias, when I shouldn't be shopping at all. So.... no DVD player/cd changer. ... someday, it will be mine. Oh yes, it will be mine.

Tuesday, April 26, 2005

check this out!

You guys must check this blog out. She's very talented.
She also knows my sis' and frequents my favorite pub. :)


Adhereing to darkness,
Imagining sun,
Lovers of masks,
From themselves they run.
Children well taught,
A pattern ingrained,
Never knowing themselves,
In denial well trained.

Favorite Cage

Your eyes pinch closed,
clutching onto shadows,
while sun abounds in corridors
you dare not explore.
Humming in feigned contentment
with both fingers in your ears,
la la la… and you believe it.
In your murky haven
you dream of radiant light
Your murky haven, …sanctuary from Self.

Well sheltered from understanding,
you frolic in fields of safe acceptance.
Sometimes you can block out
the stagnant isolation,
the suffocating loneliness you have built.
Always, you can ignore
how your own denial stills the breeze.
Always, loving the refuge of your cage -
Stockholm Syndrome of the mind

In truth, dark things do abound.
But, in that truth are pathways
to a brighter ground.
Sinking in your murky haven,
swathed in blankets of self-deception,
you dream of love, letting no one touch you.
You dream of light
from the secure vantage
of eyes sealed.

Sunday, April 24, 2005

Could it be? Has my blog begun working again as mysteriously as it had ceased?
Hello world!
I'm too busy to write anyway, but at least I know I can. :)
See, I'm still here, ya'll!
Let's see if I can wing somethin' on the fly to fill my quota, here....

Family found
is hallowed ground.
Kin chosen
are blessings unmatched.
Siblings, recall
how I love you all.
To you freinds
I'm so deeply attached.
Do you imagine
these words a fashion
of flattery
I toss about -something casual?
Be not misled
nor dismiss what I've said
I've travelled long
to find such family, incomprable.

Dedicated to Brandi (my chosen sister) and Kyle, Danny, Dobbins, Wes, Bryan (the guys I'd choose as brothers).

Also to Dave, Keith, Kim & Joni... my long-lost adopters.
And to Dawn... you brightened every life that touched yours. You're sorely missed.

Wednesday, April 20, 2005

gIve Me cOMics anD fudgE poPs or the xBoX gets iT.

I wilL send it tO you, Wire bY wire, Chip bY broKen CHip.

-tHe cHiCK

Friday, April 15, 2005


If it takes manic-depressive me to tell ya that,
ya might really need to think about it.

No room to welcome those who love you, but plenty of time to judge?
No hope for the future when you've yet to even try living the present?

How can you see yourself isolated and empty, when you have more than most people can dream of?
How can you feel such venomous sentiments towards those who adore you? What was it that a young but wise man said to me about public writing? Something about it not being the place for maliciousness or something.... hmmm... refresh my memory, here...

I have many, many things to be thankful for. I have many reasons to smile. But, I have yet to know what it is like to have someone by my side for years, knowing they will always be there.
If you have that and call yourself lonely... yeesh! I'd like to kick you for being so ungrateful, but I wont. We all still feel lonely sometimes, so I'll just hug you instead. But, at the same time, don't take what you have for granted or your good friend who envies what you have will scratch you with her mean she-wolverine claws!

Think gentle, happy thoughts, folks. The world is more cold and dark than you may yet know. There is no need for us to add any more cold to it.

Love you guys!!!!

The story of evil J

A highlight of my past,
Was a constant in your present.
I reflected, I grinned, I bid fare-well
With my best blessings upon
That glimmer of memory
That was a facet in your daily life.

Ill-content without meddling,
You pressured and incited…
You insisted it was not past at all
But future, fate, and destiny
You swore that this spark
Waited for me.

How easily drowsy memories
Awoke into hungry dreaming…
Not hard at all
To send me leaping
Into pools of pheasant-feather brown.

I was not in the habit
Of laying my soul upon a platter.
I was not accustomed
To baring my trust so completely.
But I sprung forward
Without reserve,
Diving into dreams.
And surfacing amidst waves
Of vulnerability, uncertainty, fear.

Again you saw a chance
To stir the seas of peoples lives
To play god with friends
Like a child toying with goldfish,
Seeing how long they will twitch
Outside of water.
Feeding my fears, demolishing trust,
Insisting I was used, hated, despised…
Breaking me down to pieces small enough
for you to manipulate with ease.
Slicing me to bite-size pieces
A toy turned lunch,
Game turned prey,
Foolish fodder for your manipulation.

You may be able to manipulate people, but time is larger than all of us, and the past and future will spiral around the games of man, until they find a place to meet... Is there such a thing as destiny?
... I can't say for sure. But, we'll see.

Tuesday, April 12, 2005

Great Joy is:

A really funky song on the radio when you don't expect it (although the dancing that ensues can be embarrassing in the wrong environment)

Going barefoot... My happy toes are free on the carpet right now

Summer - sunshine -summer summer summer!!!

Playing in the dirt :P

hanging at Steak 'n shake with the guys

chocolate, tiramisu, grenache

Getting boxes in the mail (even if I ordered the stuff myself, it's still like christmas - or at least I'm guessing it is, since I've never done christmas)

hanging out on a back porch while someone strums guitar or some sort of music is playing

singing alone in my apartment so loud that the neighbors must all hate me :P

A good book

..ok, back to work. Hope everyone is doing well. Go play in the rain - splash about a little!

Monday, April 11, 2005


A reason
to tap my toe
while soaking up sunshine
in a rusted lawn-chair…
background music
to make
life’s routines
seem like poetry.
Strum some movement
into the still air,
like laughter
crumbling clouds of
stale silence into confetti.
Tickle the walls
with chords and melody
until they glow, vibrant.
Bring this house
to life
with music.

Tuesday, April 05, 2005

Why Wolverine?

Some would mistakenly think he is my favorite x-man. I don't really have a favorite. Storm has the coolest look/entrance... riding in on the wind with her eyes all glowing, but not the coolest power. I don't know who's power I like best. The powers xavier has would be quite handy, I suppose. It isn't that I like Wolverine, so much as I relate.

Life deals as many blows as The Hand could muster. We have to endure. Some have armor. I don't. I take every blow deeply. I survive whatever happens, but that is sometimes all I can do. I get hacked to peices in the process. I feel pain. I bleed. You've seen my gushing through words. Some of you also know I have some nasty steel claws.

I am a strong woman. Carrying my mother when she was dying wasn't hard, she weighed almost nothing at the time, but having the strength to do it gently and to reasure her when the cancer had fogged her brain, I thank God for that strength. The strength to love my neice like my own child - that was nothing. Surviving the nights of staring at her empty crib took a lot more. Learning to stand my ground with men took me too long, but I certainly learned it. I grew a backbone (as in onehellofa). But what takes guts isn't that, it's laying your heart on the line over and over knowing he will only step on it again, hoping that letting him sink his teeth into you a little while you still express your love will be the proof he needs to stop being so damned afraid. (like Naussica charming the squirrel-like creature)

I have a strong backbone, no doubt, and I heal pretty quickly, but I still feel every cut. So here I stand, a woman shredded to ribbons hung upon a metal skeleton, waiting for the flesh to mend and wondering if I can face life's battles again. Well, what else can I do? Give up? I turn my head to pop my neck; I crack a few knuckles, and walk back into the ring.

If I wrote a storywith pretentious words using symbolism to express the toils and strengths of humanity, it could be called fine literature. However, if you use vibrant drawings to show that imagery, it is seen as childs play. Perhaps the lit professors should better listen to their own words "show don't tell". Maybe some comics are just like ink blots... you see as much depth in them as you have capacity for seeing.
Then again... maybe they're just fun.

Sunday, April 03, 2005

idle ramblings from the past

What man would dare
ask me to be his?
Let’s skip the strut and show,
The wooing and sweet-talking,
And get right to the cold storm
Where I expect us to look out for each other
and, instead, I find you hiding behind a rock
begging Odin to take the girl instead.
Men… cowards.
Humanity is a quivering mass
of self-serving liars and fools.
I know about love.
I have lived love
more beautiful than we all
dreamed love could be.
I have known passion,
felt its worshiping touch.
I have seen the gaze
of eyes looking upon me
as if my breathing gave him life.
I have seen love, pure and perfect,
but when fear and life
came threatening, in toothless barks,
Love cowered
and threw me to the wolves.
I would have wrestled Galaxus for him…
For those before him.
But, I was not worth so much
as the imagined risk
in just admitting I was worth loving.
Always the outpouring of sweet promises,
always the words, the looks, the kisses,
and then always the spineless retreat.
Even the warmest love
I have ever felt, turned to show me
it’s frozen shoulders.
How dare you ask me to try again.
How dare you act as if,
you would stand up for me,
not disappear, not turn on me.
Of course you seem warm
with your arms stretched out to catch me,
but if I try to stand beside you
will I not just find
your shoulder is as cold as all the rest?