I really hate admitting that I would need medicine to help me, but all shame and pride aside, I’m an honest sort… so let’s be honest.
I am not perfect. Big F-ing surprise.
Now, I am not one who takes the idea of medicine lightly.
I refused to take regular allergy medication, despite my doctor’s insistence, and learned to reduce allergens in my environment and diet instead.
Instead of the daily migraine pills my doctor suggested, I learned to avoid migraine triggers, plus I take a tiny bit of butterbur extract just during one week per month.
I no longer use Advair. By making some tough dietary changes, I eliminated the need for it.
The modern way would have had me taking pills for IBS, but instead I found my food allergies and cut them out of my diet.
I could have listened to the “expert” and become dependant on Thyroid medication FOR LIFE, but I found another doc who tried a different surgery and so I take absolutely nothing for my now-healthy thyroid.
I get some very sever pain from my endometriosis sometimes, but I ignore it. I take no pain pills, hormone pills, or any of the other things doctors would suggest. I usually wont even take advil for it (scoffs… as if advil could touch that kind of pain anyway).
Generally, I believe you are as strong as you chose to be. I am not a sickly person, and because I found the roots of most of my problems and have gone all dietary-nazi on myself, I have taken control of them. I consider medication to be a last resort. I also consider it an evil to be carefully weighed against the evil of any health problem, because sometimes the health problem is the lesser of evils.
However, after fighting and kicking and being the stubborn cast-iron-skulled gal that I often am, I accepted what I learned through years of experience; that all my will-power games, self-analysis, and determination can never really compensate for my chemical imbalance. I have to take something or my life suffers, my job suffers, and anyone willing to get close to me suffers. My ADD & Depression are just too paralyzing to be fighting all the time without any help.
While we are on the topic of ADD. Why do almost all the articles act as if ADD and ADHD are the same thing and require the same treatment, etc.. etc… ? They are quite similar, but create different problems. I’ve been researching, trying to see what medications might help that paralyzing ADD feeling, but all I find are mentions of how certain medications are great at treating the hyperactivity, nervousness, etc… etc… THAT AINT MY PROBLEM. What kind of idiot can’t tell the difference between damn-near catatonia and freakin hyperactivity? Idiots, I tell you… IDIOTS!
If you don’t know anything about ADD vs ADHD, there’s a short bit about it here:http://add.about.com/cs/addthebasics/a/add.htm
Anyway… I need to narrow things down a bit, and fast. My Doc appointment is Tuesday, though I wish it were sooner. I waited too long. My old medicine stopped working months ago, and didn’t seem to be working very well months before that. Now, I am worried about my job, tired of being a burden/trial to the man I love, and I’m really sick of fighting with all my might just to argue myself into work each morning, only to get nothing done when my brain slips gears and disconnects from reality for what adds up to hours every day.
Deciding to take antidepressants was a very big deal to me. My pride and stubborn nature did not agree with the concept. But, I did it. I accepted it. Now that the one stopped working and I have to chose another one, I find myself facing the decision again. I know I already made this decision. I know my problem is chemical and not psychological. I know that it is not a problem I can overcome without help. But still, I feel like I have to swallow my pride and make the decision again and it’s like I’m starting over.
But, I can’t do this to myself and the people who rely on me. I can’t fuck up my life out of pride, just because I hate the thought of needing a pill. I despise any form of weakness in myself, and that seems like a big one. But, I have to do what has to be done. Time to grow up and take my medicine.
Now… which one, dammit?